Microwave ovens have been a mystery for over 6,000 years. It was only recently that we even invented them, before that it was an even bigger mystery. The unique thing about microwaves is the way their doors open from side to side, instead of the standard upsy-downsy manner. This actually has to do with the physics. Microwaves are named after the primary food they cook, microwave popcorn, which was next to impossible to cook before microwaves. Microwaves emit beams of microtrons (a smaller version of the macrotron) at precisely the right levels to imitate human fire. The beams are so active, that metal will just go crazy if it’s inside, because metal is the antithesis of microwave popcorn, so the anti-matter involved is at exactly the wrong frequency wavelength. If you open the door to a microwave while it’s cooking, some of these microtrons will absorb into your skin, and make you feel like your chicken is rubbery. That’s one of the remaining mysteries of the microwave oven. The other is inside-out butter melting, but really, who knows, right?
How Does it Work? Episode 8: The Microwave Oven
September 5th, 2009How Does it Work? Episode 7: Plants
September 1st, 2009Plants are all over the place, but some people say that isn’t enough. Plants come in all different sizes. Some you can step on, and some that are way bigger than the average guy. Most plants are coloured green, because that’s how nature tells us what’s an animal and what isn’t. If it’s green, it’s probably not an animal, so no worries if you’re out in the forest and you see something green, because hey, it isn’t going anywhere. Plants live off mostly dirt, but ironically, dirt lives off mostly plants, so it’s just a game of back and forth. Plants also like water a lot, and several plants need sunlight to activate the food-eating process. It’s kind of like a microwave and kraft dinner in a way. That’s pretty much how plants work.
How Does it Work? Episode 6: The Telephone
August 10th, 2009The telephone, or “smellophone” as it is humourously referred to in certain circles, is one of the seven technological wonders of the 20th or 19th century. Nobody really knows how it was invented, probably because things that amazing make really good secrets. The telephone is a thing that your voice can go through, like a paper towel roll, or puberty. To demonstrate how a phone works, take two tin cans, and connect them with a string. Then, watch what happens when you talk into one of them. A good can always knows when to listen. Anyway, this is a good way to tell if your string is made of telephone cable. If it isn’t, you will hear a beep-beep-beep coming out of your leftover Ragu. That’s pretty much how a phone works, I guess.
People Think: Episode 1
August 7th, 2009
TRAVESTY Episode 1: Spoof videos
June 18th, 2009Hellow,
Welcome to my new series called, “Travesty”. This is where I tell people who don’t care what I think, about the worst things in the world. It is my first foray into becoming a curmudgeon. I’m guessing it won’t be the last.
Today I cover the “spoof” video. What’s a spoof? Well, dictionary.com (a handy resource) lists it as:
1. a mocking imitation of someone or something, usually light and good-humored; lampoon or parody: The show was a spoof of college life.
2. a hoax; prank.
Of course, on today’s internet, the correct definition is:
1. Unoriginal imitation
2. Hunk of crap
Please see exhibit A, a spoof of a popular Saturday Night Live sketch. (Keep in mind, SNL has been around longer than most people doing spoof videos of it. A sad aside.)
Yes, it’s just like the original, but with one detail changed. They replaced “mother” with, get this, “father.”
Oh my dear Lord Xanadu, that is just wicked! They’re making fun of… uh… well they’re taking the fact that the original video is funny and creative, and… uh… uh… proving how funny and creative it is?
I know what could make this video better… FORGETTING IT EVER EXISTED!
I’m not even going to mention that all the work that went into the MUSICAL part of the song was just copied and pasted. Ripped……… Off.
But it’s a parody! It’s a parody! It’s like Weird Al! He’s a respected musician!
Weird Al Yankovich doesn’t do parodies of funny songs, and I’ll tell you why: It wouldn’t be a parody if he did. He has to work hard to come up with funny takes on serious songs. The more serious the song/artist, the better. Not to mention, Weird Al has written COUNTLESS original funny songs on top of his parody repertoire. I’d bet my life (value: $26.17) that Weird Al has received thousands of e-mails telling him he should do a parody of any number of SNL/Lonely Island songs, and I’d bet even more that he pays someone to delete them.
Ok, the point is this:
If you make a parody of something serious and put a funny light on it, that’s funny. If you parody something that’s already funny, and make it less funny, that is a TRAVESTY.
Being creative is hard, I know. It means having to use your brain, like, once a week. At least! And brains just aren’t made to be used that often. If they were, they’d be five times the size, and ten times the mass. Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg are creative. Can you imagine the rush they got, the joy they felt, coming up with the funnier, original video? If you are the creator of this spoof video, my guess is, no. You probably can’t.
Spoof videos are an easy way for someone to convince themselves that they’re funny. It’s like paint-by-numbers, without the skill. YouTube is rife with this kind of bandwidth-wasting tripe. It’s like the monkey inside us has suddenly found an outlet. Ooooh, funny movie! Me like, me like. Hey monkey-friend, grab camera! We shoot exact same thing! We are profeshunals now! Wait! We must change single detail. Now we are funny, origninul profeshunals!
Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but there’s a difference between flattery and respect. And that difference is… the Spoof Video.
Ugh, what a travesty.
