The Matt Lisac Thing.

Microwave ovens have been a mystery for over 6,000 years. It was only recently that we even invented them, before that it was an even bigger mystery. The unique thing about microwaves is the way their doors open from side to side, instead of the standard upsy-downsy manner. This actually has to do with the physics. Microwaves are named after the primary food they cook, microwave popcorn, which was next to impossible to cook before microwaves. Microwaves emit beams of microtrons (a smaller version of the macrotron) at precisely the right levels to imitate human fire. The beams are so active, that metal will just go crazy if it’s inside, because metal is the antithesis of microwave popcorn, so the anti-matter involved is at exactly the wrong frequency wavelength. If you open the door to a microwave while it’s cooking, some of these microtrons will absorb into your skin, and make you feel like your chicken is rubbery. That’s one of the remaining mysteries of the microwave oven.  The other is inside-out butter melting, but really, who knows, right?

Plants are all over the place, but some people say that isn’t enough. Plants come in all different sizes. Some you can step on, and some that are way bigger than the average guy. Most plants are coloured green, because that’s how nature tells us what’s an animal and what isn’t. If it’s green, it’s probably not an animal, so no worries if you’re out in the forest and you see something green, because hey, it isn’t going anywhere. Plants live off mostly dirt, but ironically, dirt lives off mostly plants, so it’s just a game of back and forth. Plants also like water a lot, and several plants need sunlight to activate the food-eating process. It’s kind of like a microwave and kraft dinner in a way. That’s pretty much how plants work.

The telephone, or “smellophone” as it is humourously referred to in certain circles, is one of the seven technological wonders of the 20th or 19th century. Nobody really knows how it was invented, probably because things that amazing make really good secrets. The telephone is a thing that your voice can go through, like a paper towel roll, or puberty. To demonstrate how a phone works, take two tin cans, and connect them with a string. Then, watch what happens when you talk into one of them.  A good can always knows when to listen.  Anyway, this is a good way to tell if your string is made of telephone cable.  If it isn’t, you will hear a beep-beep-beep coming out of your leftover Ragu.  That’s pretty much how a phone works, I guess.

Flight is the act of things going through the air and not touching the ground a lot.  Flight can also be achieved over water, but it is a little harder.  At first only things like birds and bees could fly, and scientists thought it had something to do with sex, but it didn’t unfortunately.  Now, thanks to Jerry Bernoulli, flight is possible for all kinds of things.  The key is to make air go really fast and really slow, on either side of a thing, like a wing, or a box.  This makes the one side lighter than the other, and bingo, flying box!  (Watch out for landing boxes.)  The Wright Brothers were the first siblings to try flying together, and it didn’t work very well, because they were always bickering on who got the window seat.  Also, Wilbur was a big fat guy, so he was chosen to stay on the ground while his brother Orville was flying and inventing microwave popcorn, the second-best invention after flight.

Ducks are an animal that have been around since the dinosaurs died.  Some people think that’s just a coincidence, but others believe ducks were the cause.  Ducks are really adept at scavenging food, especially food that dinosaurs used to eat.  Also, the duck’s size is to its advantage, as it is considerably more small than the most famous of dinosaurs, the Tyranosaurus Rex.  Tyranosauri Rexium (plural), or, T-Rexes, had really big mouths, with a lot more teeth than the duck.  Which made it harder to taste the difference between nuts and grubs, which are the main dietary staples for both.  T-Rexes are the awesomest of all dinosaurs, real OR fake.    To fully explain how a duck works, you would first need to understand flight, which will be covered in Episode 5.